"It's been a journey."
It feels amazing to me standing where I am now, reflecting back on my journey; of what it took to get to where I am now. It wasn’t that long ago where I was pretty consistently stuck in the depths of depression, despair, self-hatred, and feeling suicidal pretty much every day. I was so convinced of the absolute lack of my self-worth, that I knew my future was dark, and even non-existent. And I didn’t want that. Quite the contrary, there was a part of me that knew I could be more, and boy did I try. I tried really, really hard to be more. I tried hard to fit in, to pretend like I had it all together. I went to tons of personal development and self-help seminars, I became a somewhat obsessed Tony Robbins devotee, I read tons of books, and listened to audios constantly and kept looking for the thing that was going to finally heal me and bring me out of my despair.
"I was so stuck."
You’d think, looking at me, that that wasn’t the case. By all accounts, I have an amazing life. My family was always very loving and accepting of me. Even as I was freaking out about my sexuality, pretending I wasn’t bi-sexual, wondering if I was gay, going back and forth trying to figure it all out and being terrified of the world in the process, I always had people who loved me, accepted me, encouraged me, and supported me. In fact, most people today still probably don’t know how down in the darkness I was. Most people don’t know that I would write suicide notes in my mind and would think of ways to end the emotional pain. My fear of physical pain was both a blessing, and a curse. I never actually attempted because I was terrified of the pain, but I was so stuck in needing to be comfortable that I couldn’t push myself to move beyond my story.
"I felt like a failure"
Being a man in today’s world is a funny thing. The cultural tides are changing, for sure. But by all accounts, I felt like a failure. I never had any interest in sports or cars, I wasn’t interested in talking about girls, I’m bi-sexual, I don’t have a six pack, I’m not the breadwinner of my family, hell, I couldn’t even grow a beard until recently (and even still, it’s not much to write home about). I’m not saying all those things are what makes a man, but I used to think that. I never fit in. I was always the nerd who read books on the bus to school, who the girls used to make fun of and put stuff in my hair because I would sit at the front of the bus and read. That was me. And for a while it was ok, but as I got older, I started to reject myself, especially as my sexuality started to develop and I realized I wasn’t straight. In my mind, how much less of a man could I be? I didn’t see myself in any of the men in popular culture. I still don’t that much.
"Today, I am proud of what I've been through."
And yet, here I am, running my own coaching business. I made it through all of that, married the most amazing woman who loves me for me, and I am happy. It’s amazing to me to be able to even say that, because 10 years ago, even 5 years ago, I didn’t think being happy and content and excited about my future was possible. Today I am proud of what I’ve been through, because it’s made me who I am, and given me the ability to bring tremendous compassion and experience to my coaching, and the challenges we all face that life brings our way.
That’s the miracle of this. I am a coach not despite all of the above, but because of all of the above. Because I have finally discovered that where I was is not where I have to be, and despite the fact that I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, I am now standing in that light…and my life isn’t even perfect! Imagine that! My past, in fact, does not dictate my future. It can influence it, but my future is my choice. And I am creating my future right now.
"Being coached changed everything for me."
Being coached was one of the things that really changed everything for me. I have had a number of coaches in my life, and they could see the real me and my real potential before I could. They helped guide me in that direction, and didn’t let any of my bullshit excuses and stories get in the way.
Because coaching was such an incredibly powerful influence in my life, I dedicated myself to learning how to do it with other people. I learned all the tools and strategies that my coaches used to help me, and now I get to be able to help others create their futures, and see beyond their bullshit stories, even if they can’t see it themselves. But after working with me, they can.
It is one of the greatest joys of my life, because I know where I came from, and I see so much of the shit I went through in so many other people. And now I understand it all, so I can bring a tremendous amount of compassion to my work, and help hold the vision for them while we work on helping them see it themselves.
"I finally understood the foundation of how we operate."
And no, you don’t need to be depressed to work with me. What I’ve learned is how the human mind works. We’re all the same, only different by degree. We all have the same operating system, even though there are billions of different programming configurations. But because I have finally understood the foundation of how we operate, I have learned to use that to support anyone who wants to create a different vision, a different future. Just like I did.
My goal as your coach is to make whatever transformations you experience sustainable. The last thing that I want is for my clients to feel that they are dependent on me in order to feel successful and fulfilled. My goal is to provide you with the tools, strategies and understandings that you can take and apply in your life, with or without me. I am teaching you to understand yourself and how you operate, so you can then use that on yourself. That’s a sustainable transformation.
So I invite you to join me.
This is what I love to do, because I have seen it impact so many other’s lives... especially my own.